MY HEART IS BROKEN TODAY, I MISS MY "LITTLE MISS MAE" BY MY SIDE.
THERE'S BEEN A LOT HAPPEN THRU OUT THE PAST 5 WEEKS(YES! IT'S ACTUALLY BEEN 5 WEEKS, CRAZY!) THAT I DON'T WANT TO FORGET. I ALSO DON'T WANT TO FORGET WHAT WORDS KOLBI WAS SAYING, SO I WANT TO WRITE THEM ALL DOWN.
I HAVE HAD A COUPLE OF HARD DAYS LATELY. I THINK OF KOLBI ALL THE TIME AND MISS HER LIKE CRAZY!! NATE AND I WENT TO OUR WARD TEMPLE NIGHT THIS LAST SATURDAY AND I STILL GET ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS FIRST WALKING IN THE DOORS AND I'M VERY EMOTIONAL BUT IN THE CELESTRIAL ROOM, I WAS OVERWHELMED, MY CHEST STARTED HURTING AND IT WAS HARD TO BREATHE. MY BISHOP AND HIS WIFE WERE THERE, AND SEEING THEM SMILING AND MY BISHOP TRYING HARD NOT TO LET A TEAR RUN OFF HIS CHEEK I BROKE DOWN IN TEARS. I KNOW THE TEMPLE IS THE CLOSEST PLACE WE CAN BE CLOSE TO KOLBI, I JUST WISHED I COULD HOLD HER AND KISS HER (WHILE BEING THEREÜ)
NATE AND I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO DOWN TO THE CHURCH OFFICES AND MEET
WITH ELDER C. SCOTT GROW OF THE First Quorum of the Seventy THURSDAY AUG. 25TH. IT WAS AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE ONE I DON'T THINK EITHER OF US WILL FORGET.
FIRST HE SAT US DOWN, ASKED HOW WE MET, WHERE WE GREW UP AND WHERE WE ARE LIVING AT NOW. IT WAS JUST LIKE TALKING TO OUR GRANDPA'S OUT FISHING IT WAS SO RELAXED, AND HE MADE US FEEL SO COMFORTABLE. HE THEN ASKED ABOUT THE ACCIDENT, WHICH NATE WAS ABLE TO TELL AND HE DID A GREAT JOB. ELDER GROW HAS SEEN THIS BEFORE WITH HIS SISTER-IN-LAWS FAMILY THE SAME THING HAPPENED BUT IT WAS A 3 YEAR OLD LITTLE BOY. SO WHEN HE HAD HEARD ABOUT OUR FAMILY HE WANTED TO MEET WITH US. THE SPIRIT WAS SO STRONG IN HIS OFFICE, HE ANSWERED ALL OF OUR QUESTIONS ALONG WITH FINDING THEM IN THE SCRIPTURES. HE TALKED TO US ALOT ON THE "SEALING POWER" IT 'S ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT ORDINANCES OF OUR CHURCH AND KNOWING THAT WE ARE SEALED FOR OUR FAMILIES FOR ETERNITY. HE SAID ,"KOLBI IS OURS!" AHHH I LOVED HEARING THAT. SHE IS MINE AND I WILL BE ABLE TO RAISE HER AGAIN AND LOVE ON HER AND KISS HER. AGH..I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT GLORIOUS DAY TO COME.
NATE ASKED, "WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN LIKE THIS?" THE FIRST THING ELDER GROW SAID WAS, "YOU AGREED TO IT, YOU KNEW YOU COULD HANDLE THE PAIN, YOU GAVE HER,HER BODY THAT'S ALL SHE NEEDED ON THIS EARTH, IT'S ALL PART OF H.F'S PLAN FOR US. HE IS KNOWLEDGEABLE OF WHAT HAPPENS DOWN HERE ON EARTH, JESUS SUFFERED IN GETHSEMANE FOR NOT ONLY OUR SINS BUT, FOR OUR PAIN AND SORROWS AS WELL. ONE DAY, HE WILL LIFT THAT PAIN OFF OF YOU, YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE KOLBI IN YOUR HEARTS, BUT ONE DAY THE PAIN WILL BE GONE." HE IS AN AMAZING MAN WHO BELIEVES WHAT HE SAYS IS TRUE AND I'M SURE ALOT OF IT COMES FROM OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN. HE ALSO ASKED NATE IF HE FEELS ANY "GUILT?" I WAS SO GLAD TO HEAR THAT QUESTION, THINKING TO MYSELF, 'I HAVEN'T EVEN ASKED NATE THAT!" I WAS SO EXCITED AND SO COMFORTED HEARING NATE'S ANSWER, WHICH WAS, "NO!" I HURRIED AND SPOKE UP AND SAID, " I DON'T EVEN SEE NATE IN THE ACCIDENT, I SEE HIM TRYING TO TAKE CARE AND PROTECT OUR BABY!" THEN ELDER GROW SAID, HOW STRONG WE ARE AND HOW MUCH LOVE HE CAN SEE THAT WE HAVE FOR EACHOTHER.
HE THEN GAVE BOTH NATE AND I A BLESSING. THEY WERE AMAZING AND THE SPIRIT WAS SO STRONG! ELDER GROW HAD A FEW TEARS FROM HIS CHEEK AND OF COURSE I WAS CRYING LIKE A BABY. BUT, I TRULY BELIEVE THOSE WORDS HE SPOKE CAME FROM OUR HEAVENLY FATHER. HE GAVE US BOTH A HUG AND SAID, "YOUR GOING TO BE ABLE TO HOLD YOUR SWEET KOLBI AGAIN!" WE THANKED HIM FOR HIS TIME AND WALKED WITH OUR HEADS HIGH TO THE TRUCK.
WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED THRU OUT ALL OF THIS. NATE AND I DON'T DO THE "WHAT-IF'S OR THE SHOULD HAVES" THEY WON'T GET US ANY WHERE SO WE TRY AND LOOK AT THE POSITIVE SIDE OF EVERYTHING. THERE HAVE BEEN SOOO MANY PEOPLE WHO HAVE REACHED OUT TO US, SOME PEOPLE WHO WE DON'T EVEN KNOW, OR SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN IN OUR VERY SHOES. IT MADE US REMEMBER WHAT GREAT PEOPLE THERE ARE IN THIS WICKED WORLD WE LIVE IN.
THE NIGHT BEFORE MEETING WITH ELDER GROW, I WAS A WRECK, I FELT LIKE THE WORLD WAS AGAINST US. PEOPLE WERE MAKING UP LIES ABOUT ME AND MY HUSBAND, THEY JUST WANTED TO GOSSIP, THEY WERE TELLING ABOUT THE ACCIDENT IN THE MOST AWFUL, GRUESOME WAY. I WAS TALKING TO MY MOM ON THE PHONE BAWLING NOT KNOWING WHY SOMEONE WOULD WANT TO ADD ON OUR HEART ACHE, I GUESS I WAS GETTING MADDER AND MADDER AND MY MOM SAID, "CHELS. YOU HAVE SATAN IN YOU RIGHT NOW, YOU HAVE NOT TALKED THIS THIS, THIS WHOLE TIME, YOU ARE LETTING HIM WIN." AFTER SHE HAD POINTED THAT OUT TO ME, I REALIZED I WAS LETTING THE BITTERNESS GET ME, I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO DECK SOMEONE IN THE FACE AT THAT MOMENT. I HAD NATE GIVE ME A BLESSING THAT NIGHT, AND AFTER HE WAS DONE IT WAS LIKE A HUGE BURDEN HAD BEEN TAKEN OFF OF ME AND I DECIDED TO PUT A WALL UP. WHAT EVER SOMEONE HAS TO SAY NEGATIVE WILL JUST BOUNCE OFF, WITHOUT EFFECTING ME. I KNOW HOW NATE AND I ARE DOING, I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES, I KNOW THAT I AM TRYING TO BE THE BEST MOM I CAN BE TO 2 BEAUTIFUL, HEATH LY KIDS. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT OTHERS THINK OR I SAY, CAUSE I KNOW!!! I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING FAMILY, FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS AND WARD. THEY ARE THE ONES I WANT TO SURROUND MYSELF WITH. THEY KEEP A POSITIVE OUTLOOK NOT BITTERNESS.
SUNDAY NIGHT WE WENT TO THE SEE KOLBI'S GRAVE, IT'S SO WEIRD CEMETERY'S USED TO FREAK ME OUT, BUT NOW I FEEL SO MUCH COMFORT BEING THERE. I LOVE GOING AND VISITING KOLBI. WHEN WE WERE THERE KYSON SAID, "THE DAYS ARE GETTING BETTER HUH!" NATE SAID, "YEA BUDDY THEY ARE" THAT MADE MY DAY! KYSON IS A VERY PROTECTIVE BROTHER, AND HE STILL ASK QUESTIONS ALL THE TIME ABOUT KOLBI. TAIGE JUST TELLS MEMORIES OF KOLBI, LIKE, "SHE LIKED THIS MOVIE HUH MOM, SHE LIKED TO DANCE WITH ME TO THE MUSIC." (DANCING WITH THE STARS) I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO TALK ABOUT KOLBI SO THAT MY KIDS KNOW IT'S OK TO TALK ABOUT HER. I WANT THEM TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELING S WHETHER THEIR HAPPY, MAD OR SAD. WE DEF. HAVE MANY EMOTIONS AROUND OUR HOUSEHOLD!Ü
THE NIGHT BEFORE THE FUNERAL, NATE AND I SAT THEM DOWN TO KIND OF TALK TO THEM WHAT WAS GOING TO TAKE PLACE THE NEXT DAY AND TALK TO THEM ABOUT THE SPIRIT AND THE BODY, KYSON WAS STILL KIND OF MAD AT NATE FOR THE ACCIDENT, AND AFTER WE WERE DONE TALKING KYSON LOOKED AT NATE AND SAID, "I KNOW IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT DAD, I JUST WISHED IT WAS ME AND NOT HER." TALK ABOUT MY HEARTBREAKING IN 100 PIECES. HE LOVED HIS SISTER SO MUCH, HE WANTED TO PROTECT HER. I JUST CLAPPED MY HANDS AND SAID, " WELL I GUESS WE HAVE TO MAKE YOU PERFECT THEN SO YOU CAN SEE HER AGAIN." THE OTHER THING KYSON SAID WAS... NATE AND I WERE CLEANING PAINT BRUSHES OUTSIDE THIS WEEKEND AND I SAID, " LET'S TRY AND TAKE THE CRIB DOWN TODAY." NATE SAID, "WELL WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH IT?" I SAID, "LET'S JUST TAKE IT TO THE DUMPS IT'S OLD ANYWAYS. " KYSON JUMPED IN SAYNG, "NO, YOU CAN'T GET RID OF HER BED, WHAT'S SHE GOING TO SLEEP ON WHEN HER SPIRIT COMES BACK TO HER BODY?' OH THE INNOCENCE OF A CHILD. HE IS A GREAT BIG BROTHER AND HE MISSES HER EVERYDAY, BUT, LIKE HE SAID "THE DAYS ARE GETTING BETTER!"
ONE DAY WE WILL GET TO HOLD HER AGAIN AND HAVE HER BACK IN OUR LIVES. I DON'T KNOW WHAT PEOPLE DO NOT KNOWING THE GOSPEL?!? I WAS HOME ALONE THE OTHER DAY ALL BY MYSELF GOING A LITTLE CRAZY FEELING A LITTLE LOST. I WOULD HATE NOT KNOWING ABOUT LIFE AFTER DEATH.
WHAT A BLESSING IT IS TO KNOW AND HAVE THE GOSPEL IN MY LIFE!
ON JULY 24TH OUR LIVES TURNED UPSIDE DOWN!
Kolbi Mae Christensen
Kolbi Mae Christensen left this world and entered her Heavenly Father’s loving arms on July 24, 2011. She was born in Ogden, UT on February 10, 2010 to Nathan Christensen and Chelsey “Crowther” Christensen. Kolbi was a bright, happy little girl who had a passion for life, her family, and hugs and kisses. She loved to play with her big brother and big sister, who tended to her lovingly. She was her Daddy’s little shadow and she loved giving kisses to her Mommy. She was an adored, loving, sweet little thing who was just too perfect for this world. Though her stay with us was short, she made an imprint upon every heart that knew her. She will be missed greatly, but our family is eternal and we all look forward to being with her once again.
Kolbi is survived by her parents; big brother Kyson 5 and big sister Taige 4. She is also survived by her grandparents Chad and Kristine Crowther (Plain City) and Craig and Robyn Christensen (Tremonton) and all her loving Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins. She was preceded in death by her cousin, Braison Hullinger.
The family expresses thanks to the Weber County Sheriff’s Department and Ogden Paramedic Unit, including her Uncle Matt, who was the EMT on site.
Funeral services will be held at 11 a.m. on Wednesday, July 27, 2011 at the Farr West 4th Ward, 2132 W. 2700 N. Friends and Family may gather for a viewing prior to services from 9:00 to 10:30 a.m.
Interment, Plain City Cemetery.
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to America First Credit Union in the name of Kolbi Mae Christensen.
MY BABY RETURNED HOME TO OUR LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER. HER LIFE WITH US WAS BRIEF, BUT HER MISSION WAS COMPLETED HERE ON EARTH.
THEY SAY "WRITING HELPS THE PAIN AND THE GRIEVING PROCESS" SO I'VE DECIDED TO START WRITING MY FEELINGS DOWN. I HOPE I DON'T HURT ANY ONE'S FEELINGS WITH WHAT I WRITE, THIS IS JUST FOR ME TO GET MY THOUGHTS DOWN AND EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN OPINIONS. I ALSO I HOPE I DON'T GET TO MUCH IN DETAIL, BUT I DO FEEL LIKE I NEED TO PUT THEM DOWN IN WORDS AS WELL.
FIRST OFF... NATE AND I ARE DOING WELL (CONSIDERING) I THINK I AM MORE IN ♥LOVE♥ WITH THIS MAN THEN I EVER HAVE BEEN IN OUR 8 YEAR OF MARRIAGE. HE IS STRONGER THEN I EVER GAVE HIM CREDIT FOR. HE IS THE ROCK THAT IS HOLDING OUR FAMILY TOGETHER RIGHT NOW!!!
THE FIRST PART OF SUMMER I LET MY 2 OLDER KIDS RUN WILD WITH THE NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS, RUNNING BACK AND FORTH FROM HOUSE TO HOUSE. NEVER THOUGHT ANYTHING ABOUT IT. BUT, THEN ABOUT THE END OF JUNE HAD STRONG FEELINGS TO GO OUTSIDE AND WATCH THEM CAUSE I JUST "DIDN'T HAVE GOOD FEELINGS" MY NEIGHBORS THOUGHT I WAS NUTS SITTING OUTSIDE IN THE 90+ HEAT JUST WATCHING ALL THE KIDS PLAY, AND WATCHING KOLBI ON HER TRIKE AND HER TRYING TO KEEP WITH THE BIG KIDS. I ACTUALLY TOLD THEM "I WAS HAVING BAD FEELINGS , LIKE I FELT LIKE SOMEONE WAS GOING TO GET HURT." SO THE REST OF THE SUMMER I SAT AND ENJOYED WATCHING THEM PLAY AND WATCHING KOLBI EXPLORE. HER BEST FRIEND WAS TITAN(OUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR WHO IS 8-9 MONTHS OLDER) AND WE CALLED THEM KISSING FRIENDS, WHEN THEY WOULD SEE EACH OTHER THEY WOULD RUN TO EACH OTHER AND GIVE ONE ANOTHER A HUG OR A KISS.
4 DAYS BEFORE THE ACCIDENT MY NEIGHBOR CAME OVER AN ASKED IF I HAD HEARD ABOUT THE BISHOPS SON??? I HADN'T SO J.R GOES ON TO TELL ME THAT HE HAD DIED ON A FAMILY VACATION SINCE HIS BROTHER JUST RETURNED HOME THE WEEK BEFORE FROM HIS MISSION. HE WAS RIDING HIS BIKE DOWN POWDER MTN. RD AND HIT SOME GRAVEL AND FELL, HE WAS WEARING ALL THE APPROPRIATE GEAR, JUST HIT HIS HEAD IN THE WRONG SPOT. I WAS HEARTBROKEN FOR THE SOLEBERG FAMILY AFTER HEARING THE AWFUL NEWS.
THE DAY AFTER HEARING ABOUT THE BISHOPS FAMILY, 3 DAYS PRIOR TO THE ACCIDENT, I WAS SITTING OUTSIDE ON MY STEPS WATCHING THE KIDS RUNNING AND PLAYING AS I HAD DONE ALL SUMMER, I HAD ANOTHER FEELING BUT IT WAS A STRONGER FEELING THEN THE TIME BEFORE. I REMEMBER I KEPT THINKING ABOUT KOLBI, BUT THEN I COULD ONLY SEE KYSON AND TAIGE PLAYING, I COULDN'T SEE KOLBI, WHICH I'M SURE SHE WAS SITTING NEXT TO ME OR PLAYING BY THE GARAGE, BECAUSE I NEVER TOOK MY EYES OFF OF HER. BUT I COULDN'T SEE HER JUST THE 2 OLDER KIDS.
I KNOW IT WAS THE LORD TRYING TO PREPARE ME FOR WHAT WAS TO COME NEXT. AFTER THE FEELING I HAD HAD I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "NOTHING WILL EVER HAPPEN TO US"!
THE NEXT DAY WAS SATURDAY AND WE ENJOYED BEING TOGETHER AS A FAMILY GETTING ERRANDS DONE AROUND THE HOUSE AND YARD.
SUNDAY WE WENT TO CHURCH LIKE A NORMAL, NATE AND I FOUGHT OVER WHO WAS GOING TO TAKE KOLBI DURING CLASSES, I JUST HAD TO CONDUCT IN PRIMARY SO I WAS FINE TAKING HER, BUT FOR SOME REASON SHE JUST SEEMED TO WANT NATE. SO NATE TOOK HER FOR THE FIRST HALF AND THEN BROUGHT HER TO ME SO HE COULD GO TO PRIESTHOOD SO HE COULD LISTEN TO J.R TEACH, WELL SHE WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH ME SO I HAD TO GO HUNT NATE DOWN IN PRIESTHOOD AND J.R WAS SITTING IN THE BACK SO SHE REACHED HER ARMS OUT TO HIM, AND HE TOOK HER UNTIL HE HAD TO TEACH, THEN PASSED HER TO NATE. PRES. BOYD FERRIN ALWAYS GAVE KOLBI SMARTIES TRYING TO GET HER TO SMILE AND LIKE HIM, BUT SHE WOULD JUST GRAB THE SMARTIES AND KINDA GIVE HIM A DIRTY LOOK, SO IT BECAME A GOAL OF BOYD'S TO GET HER TO SMILE WHEN HE GAVE HER ONE. WELL THAT SUNDAY HE WENT TO GIVE HER ONE AND NOT ONLY DID SHE SMILE AT HIM SHE GIGGLED. IT MADE BOYD'S DAY, HE WAS SO EXCITED TO FILL ME IN ON WHAT HAD JUST HAPPENED. I WAS PRETTY EXCITED ABOUT IT AS WELL. WE CAME HOME GAVE KOLBI A DONUT AT THE BAR AND NEXT THING WE KNEW SHE WAS FAST ASLEEP WITH HER SIDE OF HER FACE ON THE GLAZED DONUT. SHE WAS EXHAUSTED AFTER CHURCH! THEN WE HEADED UP TO NATE'S PARENTS HOUSE FOR OUR MONTHLY FHE. IT WAS A GREAT NIGHT WITH HIS FAMILY. NORMALLY WHEN NATE WOULD THROW HER UP IN THE AIR AND CATCH HER SHE WOULD FREAK OUT. IT SCARED HER TO DEATH. BUT THIS NIGHT SHE ACTUALLY LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED AND BEGGED NATE TO KEEP DOING IT. IT WAS SO FUNNY TO SEE THE CHANGE IN HER.
THEN AROUND 8:15 WE GOT HOME I GOT HER OUT OF THE JEEP SHE GAVE ME A BIG WET KISS AND LAID ON MY SHOULDER FOR A SEC. THEN WANTED DOWN TO GO PLAY WITH THE OLDER KIDS. NATE AND I WALKED OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE TO PUT AWAY THE LIFE JACKETS IN THE BOAT THAT MY BROTHER HAD LEFT OUT FROM THE DAY BEFORE TO DRY. I WAS ON THE WEST SIDE OF THE BOAT AND AS NATE WAS WALKING AWAY, HE SAID, "CHELS. KOLBI IS ON THE CEMENT PAD BY THE SIDE DOOR". I WAS LIKE OK NO BIGGIE, NEXT THING I HEARD WAS ROSCO (OUR DOG) BARKING, KYSON YELLING SO I GOT OFF THE BOAT AND AS I DID NATE WAS AS WHITE AS A GHOST WITH KOLBI DANGLING ON HIS SHOULDER, I LOOKED AT HIM AND SHOOK MY HEAD "NO" AND HE SHOOK HIS HEAD "YES" WITH NO WORDS SAID I KNEW IT WASN'T GOOD. I RAN IN THE HOUSE GRABBED MY PHONE AND CALLED 911 RUNNING BACK OUTSIDE AND RUNNING AND SCREAMING FOR SOMEONE TO COME OUTSIDE AND HELP. I KNEW OUR NEIGHBORS WEREN'T HOME SO I JUST SCREAMED "HELP" WHILE TRYING TO TALK TO THE OPERATOR FOR HELP AS WELL.
I YELLED FOR THE KIDS TO GET IN THE HOUSE, SO THEY WOULDN'T SEE EVERYTHING THAT WAS GOING ON. FINALLY OUR NEIGHBORS FROM ACROSS THE STREET(THAT WE HADN'T MET) CAME OVER THE GIRLFRIEND HUGGED ME, TOOK MY PHONE AWAY FROM ME AND STARTED TALKING TO THE OPERATOR WHERE HE TOLD HER AND NATE TO LAY KOLBI DOWN SO NATE RAN AND GOT A TOWEL AND LAID HER DOWN ON THE DRIVEWAY, THEN THEY BOTH STARTED CPR UNTIL THE PARAMEDICS, AND FIREMEN CAME. THE SEC. THE PARAMEDIC PULLED UP I SAW MY BROTHER-IN-LAW MATT JUMP OUT AND WITH A WHITE FACE AND A SAD LOOK, HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS IN FOR UNTIL I YELLED TO HIM IT'S KOLBI THEN HE TOOK OFF RUNNING TO GET TO HER.
MY NEIGHBOR/FRIEND PENNI FINALLY DROVE UP, ANDI I JUST REMEMBER RUNNING TO HER AND HUGGING HER, SHE WAS RIGHT BY MY SIDE THE REST OF THE NIGHT. I REMEMBER PEOPLE?? SITTING NATE AND I DOWN IN LAWN CHAIRS AND TELLING ME TO BREATHE.
OUR NEIGHBORS TOOK CARE OF THE KIDS PUT A MOVIE ON FOR THEM TO DISTRACT THEM. THE SEC. NATE SAT DOWN BY ME I REMEMBER TELLING HIM, "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT" HIM BEING MOSTLY IN SHOCK JUST LOOKED AT ME WITH THE MOST SADDENED FACE I'VE EVER SEEN ON HIM BEFORE. I REMEMBER TRYING TO HUG HIM TO COMFORT HIM,BUT THEN HE WAS GONE THE POLICE WANTED HIM. (WHICH I LEARNED LATER THEY WERE MAKING HIM CHANGE AND WATCHING HIM WHILE HE DID TO MAKE SURE HE WASN'T ON DRUGS OR ANYTHING. SO PRETTY MUCH INVESTIGATING HIM.) I WISH SO BAD I WOULD HAVE KNOWN CAUSE I WOULD HAVE BEEN RIGHT BY HIS SIDE IF I KNEW.
I HAD PENNI CALL MY PARENTS CAUSE THEY WERE IN BEAR LAKE FOR HTE WEEKEND, AND JAMIE AND KIRK WERE IN YELLOWSTONE. WHILE I WAS STILL SITTING OUTSIDE NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE KOLBI SINCE SHE WAS COVERED BY PARAMEDICS AN OFFICER CAME OVER AND SAID "THEY ARE BRINGING IN LIFE FLIGHT AND TAKING HER TO PRIMARYS" I REMEMBER BEING EXCITED THINKING "PRIMARYS, THERE'S A CHANCE SHE'S GOING TO BE OK." THEN ABOUT 5 MINUTES LATER THE LIFE FLIGHT CAME DROPPED 3 HOUSES DOWN AND THEN THE OFFICER CAME BACK AND SAID, " THEY ARE TAKING HER TO MCKAY DEE" AFTER HE HAD SAID MCKAY I KNEW SHE WAS GONE.
THE AMBULANCE TOOK NATE AND I UP TO THE HOSPITAL, WHICH WAS THE LONGEST RIDE OF MY LIFE!!! NATE JUST KEPT HIS HEAD DOWN AND KEPT SHAKING IT BACK AND FORTH. HE WAS AS WHITE AS A GHOST. I HELD HIS HAND AND SAID IT AGAIN AND AGAIN, "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!" WE WALKED INTO THE ER AND A CUTE NURSE GRABBED ME AND HUGGED ME AND SAID, " I AM SOOO SORRY, YOU HAVE A GORGEOUS LITTLE GIRL." I THOUGHT IS THIS HOW THEY WERE TELLING MY BABY IS GONE?!? THEN THEY HURRIED US INTO A SEPARATE LITTLE WAITING ROOM, WHERE OUR BISHOPRIC AND PENNI WERE, I WAS DYING TO SEE OUR BISHOP AND HIS WIFE THERE WITH OPEN ARMS, KNOWING THEY WERE JUST DOING THIS THEMSELVES. PAM(BISHOPS WIFE) GRABBED ME AND SAID, " I KNOW WHO'VE HAD FEELINGS, I HAD FEELINGS WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THOSE FEELINGS!" FINALLY THE DR. CAME IN AND TOLD US, "I AM SO SORRY BUT, YOUR BABY DIDN'T MAKE IT AND THAT THEY DID EVERYTHING THEY COULD TO HELP HER."
OF COURSE I LOST IT, NATE WAS STILL IN SHOCK AND KEPT HIS HEAD DOWN, I WENT AND SAT ON HIS LAP AND HE JUST HELD ME. THAT WAS THE MOST COMFORT I HAD, I WHISPERED IN HIS EAR HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM, AND THAT IT WASN'T HIS FAULT AGAIN.
THEN I ASKED THE BISHOPRIC TO GIVE US BOTH A BLESSING, THEY WERE AMAZING AND THE MOST COMFORTING BLESSINGS WE HAVE EVER HAD. THEN WAITING FOR ALL THE FAMILY TO SHOW UP I ASKED WHERE MY MOM AND DAD WERE AND IF THEY HAD SHOWN UP YET. ABOUT 3 MINS AFTER I ASKED MY MOM WALKED IN AND HUGGED ME AND THEN WENT TO NATE AND HUGGED HIM WHILE MY DAD FOLLOWED WITH THE HUG AND THE TEARS. WHEN ALL THE FAMILY HAD MADE IT FROM BOTH SIDES THE DR. SAID WE COULD GO SEE HER.
I WAS ALITTLE OVERWHELMED BUT WANTED TO SEE MY BABY! WE WENT IN AND SHE WAS LAYING ON THE BED ALL WRAPPED UP IN A NICE WARM BLANKET, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I WAS STANDING UP, BUT I DO BELIEVE THE LORD CARRY'S YOU THRU YOUR TRIBULATIONS.
AFTER THE FAMILY SAW HER THEY GAVE ME AND NATE SOME TIME ALONE WITH HER. AS WE SAT THERE HOLDING OUR BABY, SHE WAS ALREADY COLD, I KNEW HEAVENLY FATHER TOOK HER THE SEC. SHE WAS IN FRONT OF THE JEEP. NATE SAID HOW SORRY HE WAS TO HER AND TO ME. RIGHT THEN I GRABBED HIS HAND AND SAID, " WE CAN GET THRU THIS, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!" I ALSO SAID HOW MUCH WE LOVED HER AND WILL STILL LOVE HER, WE FELT HER SPIRIT THERE SO STRONGLY, IT WAS LIKE SHE WAS TELLING US, IT WAS OK.
THE HARDEST THING WE HAD TO DO WAS PUT HER BACK ON THE BED KNOWING SHE WAS BY HERSELF, THEN THE SOCIAL WORKER TOLD US SHE WOULD STAY THERE OVERNIGHT AND I HAD A PANIC ATTACK THINKING MY BABY WAS GOING TO BE LEFT THERE IN THAT COLD HOSPITAL ROOM ALL NIGHT.
NICK NATE'S BROTHER SAID HIS BISHOP DOES FUNERALS AND HE IS ON HIS WAY TO GET HER. NEVER HAD I EVER BEEN MORE RELIEVED IN MY LIFE. NICK HAD ALREADY DID THE PHONE CALL KNOWING I WOULDN'T BE OK WITH HER STAYING AT THE HOSPITAL.
WHILE LEAVING THE HOSPITAL I FELT SO EMPTY I REMEMBER MY MOM HOLDING ME UP TO GET TO THEIR TRUCK. MY PARENTS MADE IT TO THE HOSPITAL FROM BEAR LAKE IN AN HOUR AND 15MINS., THEY DIDN'T LOCK UP THEIR PLACE AND THE ONE THING MY DAD DID GRAB WAS HIS NAIL GUN. WE HAD TO CHUCKLE WHEN WE GOT IN THE TRUCK AND SAW THAT.
WE WENT STRAIGHT TO MY PARENTS HOUSE THAT NIGHT IT WAS ABOUT 12:30 BY THE TIME WE GOT HOME. NATE PUT SOME OF MY DADS BASKETBALL SHORTS ON AND WENT STRAIGHT TO THE BED. MY MOM OF COURSE DRUGGED ME UP SO THAT I COULD SLEEP NATE WAS AMAZING DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING. WE TALKED ALITTLE BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP.
THE NEXT MORNING, EVERYONE WAS DOING EVERYTHING TO GET READY FOR THE FUNERAL. MY SISTERS WERE DOING A VIDEO, WRITING UP THE OBIT. GETTING THINGS READY FOR THE VIEWING. THEY WERE AMAZING.
NATE AND I HAD TO DECIDE WHERE WE WANTED TO BURY HER, WELL MY FIRST CHOICE OF COURSE WAS PLAIN CITY SO SHE WOULD BE CLOSE TO US. BUT, MY MOM CALLED AND THEY SAID IT WAS FULL. THEN ANOTHER MAN CALLED BACK AND SAID HE WAS GOING TO GO OUT AND DOUBLE CHECK, SURE ENOUGH HE FOUND 1 SPOT LEFT 1 SPOT!!! I FELT SO BLESSED, SO WE DECIDED THAT'S WHERE WE WERE GOING TO PUT HER.
THEN WE HAD TO GO UP TO THE FUNERAL HOME IN TREMONTON TO FIGURE OUT THE FUNERAL SERVICES. WE WENT UP AROUND 1:00 AND WERE THERE UNTIL 5:00 WE WERE ABLE TO HOLD KOLBI THE WHOLE TIME, SHE WAS WRAPPED IN A BLANKET A GIRL MADE FOR HER YOUNG WOMEN'S PROJECT. THAT SHE DONATED. IT WAS SOOO CUTE. KOLBI WAS IN A ONSIE PAJAMAS THAT JO(FUNERAL OWNER) HAD PUT HER IN. UNCLE GLADE AND MY AUNT FAYE CAME STRAIGHT FROM CAMPING, MY COUSIN GAVIN HAD GOTTEN HOME THAT MORNING OR THE NIGHT BEFORE, FOUND OUT THE NEWS AND NEW I NEEDED FAYE TO DO IMPRINTS OF OUR HANDS, SO HE DROVE ALL THE WAY BACK UP TO THE MTNS. TO INFORM HIS FAMILY, AND FAYE AND GLADE DROVE RIGHT THERE IN OUR TIME OF NEED. SHE SAYS IT'S SO HARD OT DO A 3 HANDED MOLD, BUT, IT TURNED OUT PERFECT!!! SHE SAYS IT WAS THE LORD'S WORK. I WILL FOREVER CHERISH HER HANDS AND MINE AND NATE'S HOLDING HER SWEET LITTLE TAN HAND! THANK YOU SO MUCH FAYE! LOVE YOU!
THE NEXT DAY TUESDAY MY MOM AND I WENT TO FIND A DRESS TO DRESS KOLBI IN. THEN MY MOM, DAD, JAMIE, NATE'S PARENTS AND NICOLE AND NATE AND I WENT BACK UP TO SEE KOLBI AND GET HER DRESSED. WE HAD PICKED OUT THE CUTEST LITTLE WHITE DRESS AND PINK BOW AND A PINK SASH TO GO AROUND HER WAIST. SHE LOOKED BEAUTIFUL! MOM AND JAMIE DRESSED HER WHILE I WAS ABLE TO GET HER HAIR DONE AND PUT ON HER TIGHTS AND SOCKS! I LOVED KISSING HER FEET, THEY WERE STILL PERFECT. I KNOW SHE WAS THERE WITH US, I FELT HER SPIRIT, SHE WAS PROBABLY LAUGHING AT ME TRYING TO CUT HER BANGS WITHOUT GETTING IT IN HER EYES! SINCE I STARTED GROWING THEM OUT IN THE SUMMER. I LOVED HOLDING HER LITTLE HAND IT FELT LIKE SHE WAS HOLDING MINE BACK. CAUSE IT ALWAYS HAS CURLED. I WAS REALLY CALM AND SO WAS NATE IT WAS JUST KINDA PEACEFUL MAKING HER BEAUTIFUL AS SHE ALWAYS HAS BEEN!
I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HAD REALLY HAPPEN TO HER, BECAUSE, SHE STILL LOOKED PERFECT, SHE ONLY HAD A LITTLE ROAD RASH ON THE LEFT SIDE OF HER CHEEK AND MAYBE A BROKEN ARM. BUT OTHER THEN THAT I QUESTIONED THE WHOLE TIME TO MYSELF, "WHY DIDN'T SHE MAKE IT?" SHE WASN'T SMASHED, SHE WAS JUST A LITTLE BRUISED ON HER FOREHEAD, THERE WASN'T ALOT OF BLOOD, ONLY LIKE A FEW DROPS. IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME, BUT THEN I THOUGHT MAYBE THIS WAS HIS ONLY CHANCE TO TAKE HER BACK HOME. MAYBE THIS WAS ALL THE FEELINGS I WAS HAVING, IT HAD TO BE KOLBI, SHE WAS PERFECT FROM DAY 1. WE LOVED HER SOOOO MUCH!
I JUST FOUND OUT THE OTHER DAY WHAT HAD HAPPEN, MATT TOLD NATE (THAT NIGHT) THAT SHE WAS GONE THE SEC. NATE PICKED HER UP, AND NATE SAID HE KNEW. BUT KOLBI MUST HAVE FOLLOWED NATE AFTER NATE WAS BY THE SIDE OF THE GARAGE AFTER HE HAD TOLD ME WHERE SHE WAS, HE WALKED IN FRONT OF THE JEEP(BECAUSE WE ALWAYS PARK IN BACKWARDS) THE JEEP WAS IN THE GARAGE, HE STARTED TO PULL OUT SLOW KOLBI WALKED IN BETWEEN KYSON AND MY NEPHEW WES. THE JEEP BUMPED HER, WHICH MADE HER FALL AND I GUESS SHE TRIED TO GET UP AND HER ARM WENT UNDER THE TIRE AND SHE HIT HER HARD SO HARD ON THE PAVEMENT. KYSON YELLED TO BACK UP SO NATE DID AND JUMPED OUT TO SEE HER.
I FINALLY HAD MY QUESTIONS ANSWERED ON WHAT TOOK HER??? WHEN SHE HIT HER HEAD ON THE PAVEMENT SHE HIT SOOO HARD THAT IT FRACTURED HER SKULL, THEY SAY ONE HIT TO A BABY'S HEAD CAN KILL THEM. NOW IF IT HAD BEEN AN OLDER KID WHO'S SKULL IS MORE DEVELOPED THEY PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN OK.
THAT'S BEEN A BLESSING TO ME KNOWING THAT SHE FELT NO PAIN, SHE DIDN'T SUFFER! I BELIEVE HEAVENLY FATHER KNEW HE HAD ONLY ONE SEC. TO GET HER BACK AND HE TOOK HIS SHOT AND WAS ABLE TO GET HER BACK. BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE HAD A FEELING TO PROTECT MY BABY, KYSON WOULD HAVE HAD A FEELING TO PROTECT HIS SISTER AND NATE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME HE WAS MOVING THE JEEP, LIKE WE NORMALLY DO.
I TOLD NATE AFTER THE SERVICES, "IT HAD TO BE YOU, AS CRAPPY AS IT IS THAT IT WAS, IT HAD TO BE! HE'S THE ONLY ONE I COULD FORGIVE!" I DON'T LOOK AT NATE AND SEE HIM IN THE ACCIDENT AT ALL, IF IT HAD BEEN A NEIGHBOR A FRIEND OR A FAMILY MEMBER I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD HAVE FORGIVEN AS FAST AS I DID FOR MY SPOUSE. I FELT WORSE FOR HIM THEN I DID FOR MYSELF!!!
KOLBI'S SERVICES WERE BEAUTIFUL!
AFTER IT ALL BOTH NATE AND I HAD SUCH A PEACEFUL FEELING, EXHAUSTED FROM IT ALL! BUT, WE WERE READY TO CARRY ON, NOT SAYING WE WILL EVER FORGET KOLBI, WE THINK AND TALK ABOUT HER ALL THE TIME. BUT, WE KNOW SHE IS SAFE AND THE LORD HAS ANOTHER MISSION FOR HER, FOR HER TO COMPLETE. HER MISSION HERE WAS TO HELP US, WE HAVE NO REGRETS WITH HER. I LOVED/LOVE HER SOOOO MUCH, I FOUGHT FOR HER I KNEW SHE WAS THE ONE TO COMPLETE OUR FAMILY, THE PUZZLE PIECE MIGHT BE MISSING NOW, BUT ONE GLORIOUS DAY WE WILL HAVE THAT SPECIAL COMPLETE PUZZLE PIECE AGAIN! ♥LOVE YOU KOLBI MAE♥
MY GOOD FRIEND LACY FLEW FROM ST.GEORGE TO BE HERE FOR US AND SHE'S A GREAT PHOTOGRAPHER WHO MADE THIS DARLING VIDEO FOR US AND CAPTURESD ALL THE MOMENTS OF THE DAY. THANKS SOOO MUCH LAC. LOVE YOU!
