AHHH I HAVE ALOT OF FEELINGS SWELLING UP INSIDE RIGHT NOW.  I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR MY WONDERFUL, LOVING HUSBAND.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITH OUT HIM!  SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THEY WOULD RATHER LOSE THEIR SPOUSE BEFORE A CHILD BUT, NOT ME!!! I STILL HAVE A SHOULDER TO LEAN ON AND A PARTNER TO GRIEVE WITH, WHO IS GOING THRU THE SAME THING! 

SOMETIMES I THINK THAT OUR TRIAL WAS NOT LOSING OUR BABY, WE KNOW WHERE SHE IS AND THAT SHE'S SAFE.  THAT'S WERE OUR FAITH COMES IN.  I THINK SOMETIMES OUR TRIAL IS GETTING OUR OTHER 2 KIDS THRU IT AND GET THEM BACK TO OUR HEAVENLY HOME.  IT'S BEEN A BATTLE THE LAST FEW DAYS WITH KYSON.  I HOPE IT'S JUST A PHASE OF HIS GRIEVING  OR JUST A 5-6 YEAR OLD BOY THING.  HIS PERSONALITY HAS DEF. TRIED NATE AND I.  I LOVE MY KIDS SO MUCH THAT I WANT THE BEST FOR EACH OF THEM, SO I HOPE NATE AND I CAN PULL THRU THIS STAGE AND OVERCOME WHAT IS THROWN AT US.

WE SURPRISED THE KIDS WITH A PLANE RIDE TO DISNEYLAND, IT WAS A MUCH NEEDED VACATION FOR OUR FAMILY.  THE KIDS LOVED THE SURPRISE JUST AS MUCH AS I LOVED WATCHING THEIR REACTION! (Pictures to come soon!)
TAIGE WAS THE BEST AGE, SHE LOVED ALL THE CHARACTERS AND GAVE EACH OF THEM A KISS AND THEN WOULD WALK AWAY BLOWING KISSES.

THE OTHER BIG NEWS WITH KOLBS. IS HER HEADSTONE IS IN.  IT'S PERFECT!!!  THAT WAS DEF. THE HARDEST THING TO PUT TOGETHER.  I WANTED SOMETHING "SIMPLE" FOR MY SWEET BABY, YET CUTE WITHOUT GETTING FRILLY.  NATE AND I LOVED HOW IT TURNED OUT.

IT'S KINDA HARD TO SEE IN THE PICTURE BUT, IT HAS HER NAME {BIG} WHICH I WANTED THAT TO STAND OUT THE MOST. THEN HER BIRTH DATE FEB.10,2010 AND HER HEAVEN DATE JULY 24,2011
UNDER NEATH THAT IS "OUR PRECIOUS ANGEL BABY" AND THEN DAUGHTER OF NATHAN AND CHELSEY
ON THE BACK....

" I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND I HAVE GONE AHEAD MY
EARTHLY LIFE AS BRIEF BUT OH SUCH PEACE AND
LOVE YOU GAVE. YOU LOVED ME, HELD ME, STOOD BESIDE
ME AND THOUGH I CANNOT STAY.  YOU GAVE ME MUCH
TO HELP ME AND I LIVE WITH HIM TODAY.  I AM
A CHILD OF GOD AND I WILL WAIT FOR YOU. CELESTRIAL
GLORY SHALL BE OURS, IF YOU CAN BUT ENDURE.
I'LL LEAD YOU, GUIDE YOU, WALK BESIDE YOU
HELP YOU FIND THE WAY.
I'LL WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS
ONE BRIGHT CELESTRIAL DAY."

 TAIGE IS ALWAYS TAKING "DUMB" PICTURES, IT COULD BE OF HER HAND, HER NOSE, THE FLOOR, THE COUCH SOMETIMES I JUST HOPE SHE'S NOT GETTING PICTURES OF MY BUM.  BUT, SHE'S BEEN DOING IT ALOT LATELY SO LAST NIGHT I TOLD HER, "NO MORE" I'M SICK OF HAVING OT GO DELETE 50 AT A TIME.  WELL THIS MORNING AS I WAS GOING TO GO DELETE HER "DUMB" PICTURES, I STARTED GOING THRU THEM AND MY MEMORY STICK WASN'T IN SO SHE HAS TAKEN "DUMB" PICTURES BEFORE WITHOUT MY MEMORY CARD IN AND SHE HAD TAKEN 20-25 PICTURES OF KOLBI.  AHHHH THE JOY, EXCITEMENT AND THE TEARS I HAD THIS MORNING WERE WONDERFUL.  EVEN IF THERE WERE SOME OF THE TOP OF KOLBI'S HEAD OR JUST HER HAND.  KOLBI FOLLOWED TAIGE EVERYWHERE WANTED TO BE JUST LIKE HER.  SO HOW GRATEFUL AM I THAT I KNOW HAVE ALL THESE NEW "DUMB" PICTURES THAT I WILL NOW TREASURE FOREVER!  NEVER AGAIN WILL I GET MAD FOR TAIGE TAKING "DUMB" PICTURES AGAIN!
{LOVE YOU MISS MAE!}

:WORDS:

 :WORDS: KOLBI WAS SAYING
HI (SHE LOVED WAVING HI AND BYE)
MUM

MUMMA

DA (DAD)

NO NO (WITH HER FINGER POINTING UP & DOWN)

AGE (TAIGE)

Y (KYSON)

PAPA

SHS (SHOES)

SHE LOVED SHOES, SHE DEF. HAD A SHOE FETISH

HORSE

DOG

DUCK (AND THEN SHE WOULD QUACK)
BALL
BAOON (BALLOON) WE WOULD PULL UP TO LITTLE CESAR'S AND SHE WOULD START YELLING BAOON AND AT WALMART SHE WOULD POINT OUT ALL THE BAOONS!
NA NIGH ( NIGHT NIGHT)
SHE BLEW KISSES
SHE DID KNUCKELS
MY FAV. WAS KNUCKELS AND THEN SHE'D BLOW IT UP

THIS WEEKEND WAS ALOT BETTER THEN LAST!  FOR SOME REASON I WASN'T AS EMOTIONAL!  I STILL MISS MY "BABY", I DON'T THINK THAT WILL EVER GO AWAY!! BUT, I WAS ABLE TO TALK ABOUT HER WITHOUT THE TEARS FLOWING THIS WEEKEND!

WE TOOK KYSON AND TAIGE TO GO MEET WITH A PHYSCOLOGIST THURSDAY, AND IT WENT REALLY WELL.  THE BEST WORDS I HAVE HEARD FOR A WHILE WERE, " THEY ARE BOTH NORMAL, AND THEY ARE BOTH GRIEVING VERY WELL."  AHHH HOW REFRESHING TO KNOW THAT BOTH OF THEM ARE GOING TO BE ALRIGHT AFTER GOING THRU SOMETHING SO TRAGIC!  DR. JENSEN SAID, 'THEY ARE BOTH GRIEVING IN THEIR OWN WAYS BUT, THEY ARE SHOWING AND TELLING THEIR FEELINGS WHICH IS AWESOME!" HE SAID, "FOR AFTER GOING THRU WHAT WE ALL HAVE BEEN THRU IN THE PAST 5 WEEKS, WE ALL SEEM TO BE DOING WELL AND GRIEVING LIKE WE SHOULD BE."   I AM SO GLAD KYSON IS TALKING AND ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT KOLBI AND ABOUT THE ACCIDENT, IT'S GOING TO MAKE HIM A STRONGER LITTLE BOY! AND TAIGE IS MORE EMOTIONAL I THINK IT'S A "GIRL" THING!  BUT, NATE AND I KNOW WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR NOW AND WHAT TO EXPECT.

KYSON HAS BEEN CAMPING ALL WEEKEND WITH NICOLE'S FAMILY, SO IT'S JUST BEEN TAY AND I.  A LITTLE DIFFERENT FROM GOING FROM 2 GIRLS EVERY WHERE TO 1.  TAIGE WENT SHOPPING AND OUT TO DINNER WITH NATE AND I ON FRIDAY NIGHT, AND WHILE WE WERE AT THE MALL, SHE BEGGED TO GET EARRINGS IN.  SO WE LET HER, SHE DIDN'T EVEN BUDGE WITH THE EAR GUN.  SHE DID A GREAT JOB AND WAS SOOO BIG.
THEN SATURDAY NIGHT HAD TO WORK FOR A 1/2 DAY SO I TOOK HER TO GO SEE "SMURFS", SUCH A CUTE SHOW.  THEN OF COURSE DID SOME SHOPPING WHILE AT THE MALL AGAIN!  LATER THAT NIGHT WE WENT AND BOUGHT SOME PLANTS AND SHRUBS FOR THE FLOWER BEDS.  I TOLD NATE  I WANT ALOT OF BIG "PINK" FLOWERS NEXT SPRING, IN HONOR OF "KOLBI MAE".

SUNDAY WAS FAST SUNDAY AND BEFORE CHURCH NATE KEPT SAYING HOW HUNGRY HE WAS, I FINALLY ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATE?? HE TOLD ME, "NO, I'M FASTING. AND IT'S LIKE MY FIRST TIME EVER!" I WAS SHOCKED I DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD NEVER FASTED BEFORE ON A FAST SUNDAY!  MY HUBBY HAS TURNED OVER A NEW LEAF!!
A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO ANOTHER MAN IN OUR WARD PASSED AWAY Larry BRAND, WHEN I HAD LEARNED ABOUT HIS DEATH, I TOLD MY NEIGHBOR THAT OUR WARD IS "JINXED".  WELL DURING SACRAMENT SISTER BRANDS BROTHER STOOD UP AND BORE HIS TESTIMONY ON HOW PRAYERS FOR OTHERS REALLY DO COMFORT THEM.  THE SPIRIT WAS BEATING IN MY CHEST,  I KNOW THE PRAYERS, I FELT THE COMFORT OF EVERY ONE'S PRAYERS, I KNOW OUR SAVIOR CARRIES YOU THRU, THRU YOUR TRIBULATIONS.  I KNOW THE SPIRIT WAS WORKING ON ME TO GET UP AND BEAR MY TESTIMONY,  BUT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS, "I'M GOING TO GET THE LOOKS, I'M GOING TO BALL LIKE A BABY KNOWING I'M TALKING ABOUT KOLBI." SO I SAID A QUICK QUIET PRAYER, ASKING OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN TO HELP ME, IF HE WANTS ME TO GET UP THERE,  THEN I KNOW I AM GOING TO NEED THE STRENGTH.  SURE ENOUGH AFTER I WAS DONE, I STOOD UP AND STARTED WALKING UP TO THE PULPIT.  I KNOW MY FATHER WAS HELPING ME, I HAD SO MUCH I WANTED TO SAY, BEING IN THE BRAND'S SHOES I KNOW HOW THEY ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW.  I WAS ABLE TO STAND UP THERE WITHOUT CRYING THE WHOLE TIME, I WAS ABLE TO SAY WHAT I WANTED TO SAY.  I KNOW OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN WANTED ME TO GET UP THERE AND I KNOW HE WAS HELPING ME THE WHOLE TIME STANDING UP THERE.   I LOVE THIS GOSPEL AND I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THE KNOWLEDGE IT GIVES US!!!

NATE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A "GOOD GUY" BUT, THAT'S AS FAR AS HE TOOK IT, HE DIDN'T SERVE A MISSION SO HE WASN'T ABLE TO LEARN AS MUCH AS MISSIONARY'S DO.  NEITHER NATE OR I HAVE EVER READ THE BOOK OF MORMON ALL THE WAY THRU, BUT NOW THAT IS ALL HE DOES IS READ.  HE HAS CHANGED IMMENSELY,  HE TAKES CHARGE OF FHE, SCRIPTURE STUDY WITH THE KIDS, AND FAMILY PRAYERS.   IT'S NOT JUST ME TACKLING EVERYONE TO GET IT DONE.  I FINALLY FEEL LIKE I HAVE THE PERSIDER IN MY HOME! HE IS FINALLY TAKING CHARGE.  THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT!
KOLBI HAS SET THE BAR HIGH FOR US, AND BY DANG IT, WE ARE GOING TO REACH IT, GRAB HOLD TIGHT AND MAKE IT BACK TO HER.  WHAT AN EXAMPLE SHE AS BEEN FOR NATE AND I! 
I LOVE YOU "MISS MAE"!!