THIS WEEK WAS A LITTLE HARDER. I KNOW I AM GOING TO HAVE HIGHS AND LOWS. I MISS MY "BABY' GIRL. I KNOW SHE' WASN'T REALLY A BABY ANYMORE, BUT SHE'LL ALWAYS BE MY "BABY". MY MOM WENT WITH ME TO MY MS APPT. LAST WEEK. MY DR. HAD REFERRED ME TO A NEW DR. SINCE MY LAST MRI WASN'T VERY GOOD HE WANTS ME TO GET ON A STRONGER MEDICINE, WHICH HE DOESN'T DO. SO KNOW I AM BACK TO SALT LAKE TO DR. FOLEY. WHICH I DO LIKE HIM, BUT HIS NURSE PRACTITIONER IS THE "RETARD" WHO TOLD ME I SHOULDN'T GET PREGNANT WITH KOLBI, I AM SO GLAD I IGNORED THE DR.S ADVICE.
SINCE I HADN'T BEEN TO THAT OFFICE IN OVER 2 YEARS WE HAD TO DO A WHOLE FOLLOW UP ON THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS WITH THEM. I WAS TRYING MY HARDEST TO GET THE STORY OUT, BUT TOTALLY GOT HER ALL CONFUSED. SO MY MOM HAD TO SUM IT ALL UP ABOUT THE ACCIDENT AND THE STRESS. SALLY THE NURSE KIND OF MADE A BIG DEAL OUT OF THE SITUATION AND OF COURSE I STARTED BAWLING.
SINCE I HADN'T BEEN TO THAT OFFICE IN OVER 2 YEARS WE HAD TO DO A WHOLE FOLLOW UP ON THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS WITH THEM. I WAS TRYING MY HARDEST TO GET THE STORY OUT, BUT TOTALLY GOT HER ALL CONFUSED. SO MY MOM HAD TO SUM IT ALL UP ABOUT THE ACCIDENT AND THE STRESS. SALLY THE NURSE KIND OF MADE A BIG DEAL OUT OF THE SITUATION AND OF COURSE I STARTED BAWLING.
SOMETIMES IT JUST SEEMS SO SURREAL, THAT IT DIDN'T REALLY HAPPEN THAT'S SHE CAN'T REALLY BE GONE.
I CLEANED OUT TAIGE'S CLOSET THE OTHER DAY AND IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS, LIKE..... BUM CREAM HAD ME IN TEARS. KYSON AND TAIGE WERE GOOD SPORTS ABOUT THE TEARS. I WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT IT'S OK TO BE SAD AND TO SHARE THEIR FEELINGS. TAIGE'S ROOM IS DONE. WELL NOT DONE I STILL WANT TO DO STENCILS OR STRIPED WALL PAPER, BUT HER BED IS UP AND THE CRIB IS DOWN.
IT WAS KIND OF A BAD DAY CLEANING THE CLOSET OUT AND FINDING LITTLE THINGS OF KOLBS. SO I CALLED NATE AND TOLD HIM I WAS COMING TO GET HIM AFTER WORK AND THAT WE WERE GOING TO THE TEMPLE. WE DID SEALINGS AND IT WAS "GREAT" HEARING THE WORDS AGAIN, AND FEELING REASSURED THAT "OUR FAMILY IS FOREVER!"
TAIGE HAS DONE AWESOME SLEEPING IN HER NEW BED. I'M GLAD SHE'S NOT SLEEPING ON MY FLOOR NEXT TO ME ANYMORE.
LAST NIGHT WAS THE FIRST TIME IN THE PAST 2 WEEKS SHE ASKED IF I WOULD LAY WITH HER. HER BED IS SOOOO COMFY SO I DIDN'T MIND. BUT, AS I CRAWLED IN AND WRAPPED KOLBI'S DUCK BLACKET AROUND ME, I KNEW I WASN'T GOING BACK TO SLEEP. MY MIND STARTED WONDERING AND THINKING ABOUT KOLBI. I REMEMBER GOING INTO THE ROOM JUST TO STARE AT MY SWEET BABY SLEEPING. I REMEMBER SHE WAS A CRAZY SLEEPER. NATE AND I WOULD HAVE THE 2 OLDER KIDS WATCH A MOVIE ON OUR BED WHILE WE/I WOULD HOLD KOLBI WHILE SHE DRANK HER MILK BEFORE BED. THEN NATE AND I WOULD FIGHT OVER WHO WAS GOING TO PUT HER IN BED, (WHICH USUALLY WAS ME, I KNOW HOW TO GET WHAT I WANT!Ü) THEN 15-20 MINS. LATER WE WOULD ROUND THE OTHER TWO UP AND PUT THEM TO BED. I REMEMBER I WOULD GO TO THE CRIB JUST TO WATCH HER SLEEP AND LAUGH AND MAKE NATE COME IN AND SEE THE POSITION SHE WOULD BE IN. SHE ALWAYS HAD HER LEGS DANGLING OUT OF THE RAILS OF HER CRIB OR SHE'D BE IN A LITTLE BALL WITH HER BUM IN THE AIR WITH HER NOSED SMASHED UP TO THE MATTRESS.
AS I LAYED IN TAY'S NEW BED WITH MY MIND GOING IN EVERY DIRECTION, I STARTED TO HAVE A FEAR THAT I WAS STARTING TO FORGET WHAT KOLBI LOOKED LIKE OR THE FUNNY THINGS SHE DID. I DON'T EVER WANT TO FORGET, BUT AT TIMES IT IS HARD TO PICTURE HER CUTE FACE UNTIL I LOOK AT AN ACTUAL PICTURE.
MY MOM SAID IT PERFECT THE OTHER DAY, "WE LOOK AT THE OBITUARY PICTURE AND THINK, "OH WHAT A CUTE PICTURE", BUT THEN WE FIND ALL THESE OTHER ONES THAT SHOW HER PERSONALITY AND IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE THAT SHE'S REALLY GONE AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO SEE THAT ANYMORE."
I AM SO GLAD I SPENT EVERY MINUTE WITH KOBLI LOVING ON HER AND KISSING HER. SHE LIT UP MY DAY. I WAS TOTALLY CONTENT PLAYING WITH HER ON THE FLOOR ALL DAY LONG WITHOUT HAVING A CARE IN THE WORLD. MY HOUSE WAS A MESS THERE WAS LAUNDRY THAT WASN'T FOLDED OR PUT AWAY, BUT I DIDN'T CARE. I WAS ENJOYING MY TIME WITH MY KIDS. KOLBI LOVED KYSON AND TAIGE! SHE ALREADY WAS STARTING TO LOOK UP TO THE BOTH OF THEM. THEY LOVED ON HER JUST AS MUCH AS I DID.
I WENT TO THE RS BROADCAST SATURDAY NIGHT AND PRESIDENT UCHTDORF GAVE SUCH A GREAT TALK. HE TALKED ABOUT THE "FORGET ME NOT" FLOWER. I AM DEF. GOING TO GET ME SOME IN THE SPRING!
HE SAID, "Sisters, wherever you are, whatever the circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you, with an infinite love.
Sisters, there is something inspiring and sublime about the little forget-me-not flower. I hope it will be a symbol of the little things that make your lives joyful and sweet. Please never forget that you must be patient and compassionate with yourselves, that some sacrifices are better than others, that you need not wait for a golden ticket to be happy. Please never forget that the “why” of the gospel of Jesus Christ will inspire and uplift you. And never forget that your Heavenly Father knows, loves, and cherishes you."
HE ALSO TALKED ABOUT EACH 5 PETALS AND WHAT NOT TO FORGET....(HOPEFULLY I CAN REMEMBER THEM)
1. FORGET NOT... THAT OUR FATHER LOVES YOU AND KNOWS YOU
2. FORGET NOT...TO BE HAPPY
3. FORGET NOT... WHAT IS IMPORTANT
HE SAID, "Sisters, wherever you are, whatever the circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you, with an infinite love.
Sisters, there is something inspiring and sublime about the little forget-me-not flower. I hope it will be a symbol of the little things that make your lives joyful and sweet. Please never forget that you must be patient and compassionate with yourselves, that some sacrifices are better than others, that you need not wait for a golden ticket to be happy. Please never forget that the “why” of the gospel of Jesus Christ will inspire and uplift you. And never forget that your Heavenly Father knows, loves, and cherishes you."
HE ALSO TALKED ABOUT EACH 5 PETALS AND WHAT NOT TO FORGET....(HOPEFULLY I CAN REMEMBER THEM)
1. FORGET NOT... THAT OUR FATHER LOVES YOU AND KNOWS YOU
2. FORGET NOT...TO BE HAPPY
3. FORGET NOT... WHAT IS IMPORTANT
4. FORGET NOT...YOUR WORTH
5. FORGET NOT... ????
I NEEDED THAT TO END MY LOOONG WEEK!
I DID GO OUT WITH THE GIRLS FRIDAY NIGHT, WE HAD A BLAST! I AM SO THANKFUL FOR SUCH AMAZING FRIENDS WHO I KNOW I CAN LEAN ON OR GO TO WHEN I'M DOWN. THEY WANTED TO GO OUT AND SEE KOLBI'S HEADSTONE. THAT MADE MY DAY! I WAS SO EXCITED THAT THEY WANTED TOO EVEN THOUGH IT WAS DARK AND LATE. THEY ALL HAD THEIR PHONES LIGHTING IT UP SO THAT THEY COULD SEE IT.
I DID GO OUT WITH THE GIRLS FRIDAY NIGHT, WE HAD A BLAST! I AM SO THANKFUL FOR SUCH AMAZING FRIENDS WHO I KNOW I CAN LEAN ON OR GO TO WHEN I'M DOWN. THEY WANTED TO GO OUT AND SEE KOLBI'S HEADSTONE. THAT MADE MY DAY! I WAS SO EXCITED THAT THEY WANTED TOO EVEN THOUGH IT WAS DARK AND LATE. THEY ALL HAD THEIR PHONES LIGHTING IT UP SO THAT THEY COULD SEE IT.
THANKS GIRLS, THAT MEANT ALOT! ♥ YOU ALL!
KYSON HAS BEEN PLAYING SOCCER AND LOVES IT!! I LIKE TO SAY HE IS THE "STAR PLAYER" HE MAKES 6 OR MORE GOALS EACH GAME. IT'S SO FUN TO WATCH HIM ENJOY SPORTS. I AM DEF. THE CHEERLEADER MOM, THAT I SWORE I WOULD NEVER BE!